Wednesday, February 20

SO HOW? Studies/Work?!

First of all, I would like to announce the unofficially GRADUATED news! 
Graduation is on 28 May! I can't wait to attend the ceremony!
3 years of all IT-related stuff, I guessed I'm done with that.
No more programming for me!! *flips hair*

Right now, I guess someone out there is having the same problem as me..
Deciding between Uni or start working, I guess I might need listeners.
It never occurred to me that this time would come to me so soon, right after the last day of graduation. It's probably the kind of stress that I always like to give to myself. For moment like this, I wished that my life was planned. I wished that my life was planned for me by my parents. I go to ballet, piano classes when I'm young, I studied science because my parents like it, I read story books and I go to bed early because I'm a good kid like that. But then again, who would resign to fate that is plan for them? It is why that we humans are never ever going to learn to be self contented? We never once thanked anyone for giving us the chance for the education that we received, we never reflect of ourselves for being selfish, we never said thank you to the aunty that helped us clear our plates after our meal, we never said thank you to someone that was holding the lift for us when we rushed into it. It's because we never learn. Life lessons doesn't come free or in school. Nobody would teach you the way how life should, it's so unpredictable and fragile. Everyday is just like a written story, you can't change it but you could only re-read the stories written. Confusing, yet at a point of time, it remind ourselves of what we have done, regardless right or wrong.

It's very frustrating to go to the coffee shop downstairs, meeting your neighbors in the lift, primary school friend's competitive parents, I don't know how most of them managed to know that it's the graduating period (probably KPO instincts) the first question that pop out of their mind was "Ah girl ah, still studying or working?", "Don't want study uni ah?", "Working ah, good good. Work as what ah? Earning how much?"
All these conversations are never ending.

I've been going through interviews (on phone) for days and I realize most of the jobs don't hire fresh grads. It's either they hire, with $1400-$1500 (bullshit pay) or they're places that are super far away from my home and still give minimal pay. Going back to the jobs that I've been looking for, I'm keen to work in the accounts / logistics/ banking dept. Kept me thinking for a good long time, is the 3 years spent taking an irrelevant diploma worth my time? Now that I have a dip cert, I can't even put it into good use. It's just like spending 3 years marking another "O" level similar milestone, telling you and your family that oh yeah I've got that piece of paper. So am I just going to spend another 3 years again for the uni cert which I never looked forward in using the cert as a part of job application? It's really confusing and thank god I have people around me giving me suggestions everyday. (except for the annoying agency that kept calling me up and offering all kind of jobs offer that has super low pay like $1200???)

I seen so many job ads for the past few days and still thinking of what job line that I should be in. Chinese have a saying "女人怕嫁错郎,男人怕进错行" Woman are afraid to marry the wrong guy, Man are afraid to be in the wrong career. Now i belong to the man. Haha! I think it's also a ME-thang that I have no will to reject people. Even though I am so reluctant, I would still say okay and I think it's a way of being professional. That trains me to be a tolerant person. (after I would release all in twitter, LOL) 

Thank god uni application is far away from now, I seriously have no idea what to do but I don't wish to idle my time away. From what I had observed, it takes 3-5 years of experience in an organization to be promoted, so it is a good investment to use this 3 years to study in Uni (but what course again) and pay the bank loan debts aftermath or I just start work like this? 

I think during job application is also another time for you to know more about yourself. I've been thinking which career I would probably succeed in and I have none. Blaming Gemini, I'm so fickle minded that I can change my mind in 30 seconds. I thought I was good in people relationships but then again, how do I take it when people don't go my way? How am I supposed to react when colleagues started out betraying and backstabbing? Can I still keep my cool? I'm good in design but then again how much new fresh ideas I can produce in a few days? What if my ideas ran out and I never suit the job again? I hate to repeat myself but in an office environment, how many times do I have to repeat myself for every single event? So, how much do I really know myself? I d.o.n.t.k.n.o.w 
I think it's okay that if you don't understand my situation here but this day will come to you very soon.
It's the first time I feel scary for making a decision for myself. I'm afraid that if this is made, I am accountable for my life. I cannot blame anyone but myself. I cannot make up to myself for the time lost.
It's my life, my decision. But am I doing the right thing?

Till then, (I hope I had made up my mind!)

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