Thursday, October 6
Thursday, August 4
Sunday, November 8
Tuesday, November 3
You don't love me enough.
It is easy to love someone at their best. It is easy to love something that’s shiny. It is easy to give your best when you receive the same amount of efforts from the other parties. It is easy to stay beside someone with all the giggles and the fun.
It is easy to stay on the phone for hours with a person who watches movies with you, and talk about anything, everyday, until it’s become some kind of a ritual that you both do every night until one of you has fallen asleep.
It is easy to love someone with a perfect smile, it is so easy to fall in love with nose kisses and beard rash and that short little giggle that’s used only for you, and it’s so easy to fall in love with secret moments between the two of you, and to get so wrapped up in the world they share with you.
But a relationship is not always the rainbows and fireworks. We’re just humans. We’re not designed to be perfectly in a good mood and on our best behavior 24/7.
It is never about finding a perfect person to love. Because it is easy to fall in love with someone who puts up their best appearance like a wall, and behaves their best so they impress you. It is indeed easy to love them when it’s all about the laughs and the good times.
It is not about finding the prettiest, the strongest, the richest, nor the smartest — not even the most romantic ones who will throw a big gesture like what we’ve seen in all those Hollywood movies that thrive on grand gestures.
True love takes time to develop, several difficult times to see if the person we love stands by us, and a lot of understanding and respect. Attraction and infatuation are not love, no matter how much fairy dust is sprinkled on it to make you believe otherwise.
But deep down, we already knew what we truly need. Let me ask you a few questions,
Who’s going to love you and hold you when you’re at your worst?
Who’s going love you and give their best even when you hurt them so bad and you just don’t give as much as they do?
Who is always going to be there even without the regular talks and communications, but still manages to always know what to do when you break down and need support?
Who’s that one person who stays even when the times are hard?
Who’s that one person who stays after knowing the darkest, most embarrassing secret from your past that not even a single soul ever know before?
Who’s that one amazing person who stands so strong on their own and supports you to go after your dreams?
Who’s that one person who sees you breaking apart and pushes you so hard to get you back on your feet?
Who’s going to take care of you when you’re sick, and looking so horrible, and they still find you the most attractive human being on this earth?
Who’s that one amazing person who puts up such a fight and gives an enormous effort even when you don’t acknowledge them?
Who’s willing to stay awake at 3 am in the morning just so they can listen to all the things you need to talk about when you had a rough day?
And while you read this, who popped into your mind? You remember that person at this very moment, don’t you? You remember the time when you told them your secrets and how relieved you were when you did not see any judgment from their eyes. You remember your first date. The first time you told them that you love them, and the amazing feeling when they told you that they loved you, too. You remember the time they cried over you, and how you witnessed how sincere their love and affections for you were.
You remember giving them a list of reasons for why it would not work, and how they should find someone else. You remember giving them the reasons why they should just walk away. But they did not go anywhere, they told you that they don’t want anyone else and they refused to let go. But you let them go anyway. No one can do quite like they did, is that it? And you’re pretty sure that no one will ever love you the way they did, aren’t you?
We spend our lifetimes to find that one person, yet, as humans, we never really learn. We take those people who love us so unconditionally for granted after we found them. We wonder if we can find someone better, we get distracted by other people, and we get tired.
But we forget that there are a lot of people who are better than us, but they stayed. And often, after it’s already too late, we realize that we’ve lost a diamond while we’re so busy observing the other grey rocks.
But, we never really learned, did we?
Friday, November 29
Our last hug
Telling myself I would hug you for the last time ever. I stood there, I hugged you tight.
I want to feel it again.
I really miss you.
I want to feel it again.
I really miss you.
Friday, November 22
My life since then
Firstly, I would like to share this post of Tammy (ohsofickle.blogspot.com).
It relates to me really a lot... Go read it first!
Emotions were on a roller coaster ride and I had a hard time dealing with it.
This is the first time ever I initiate the breakup to A. After 6 years of relationship, all that we had been through, I wanted/needed the break. Friends around me tell me not to worry, he would be back in no time just because this was how our relationship was in the beginning. We will get back together after every "break up". This time I felt the difference. I remember when he just entered NS, I sent him a long text that says something like this, "Baby, now that you're in army, more mature already right? I hope that no matter what both of us cannot say the word break easily already. We're no longer young and this is the last chance I will give it to you, to our relationship." I am serious and I am going to keep to my words. I'm really tired of all the arguments we had daily. It's mostly because of me being unreasonable and not understanding, and A being real busy when he just transfer out to a new station that need him to work even on weekends. I felt the distance between us, but I was wrong. Being a girl needs to be assure regularly but knowing how inexpressive A is, I feel that he no longer loved me that much. All of these were just my thoughts. But I could argue with him, hurting and questioning him again and again on how much love have he had for me. I was too dramatic.
Hang out with my best friend from poly and he told me something that I did not realize.
"Army's time is not decided by him, he have no say in whatever he's going to do. Sir say what, he do what. Even go toilet also need ask permission. You think he got the time to accompany you during his duties?"
Which is very true, and I hated myself for that ugly side of me. I have always been comprising when it comes to him doing his own things while I watch my dramas or play games. I think that both of us need that space and freedom after such a long week and shouldn't stick together like how we used to. Over time, this had been taken for granted. He loves to play basketball which I always allow him to because when he tells me about his army problems, I don't understand as I am never in army before. I thought it might be good for him to hang out with the dudes to talk it out. Enjoy something that he love to do every weekend, I never stop him once. But it becomes a habit that I always allow him to go for basketball nights, sometimes I really want him to accompany me because I really miss him throughout the week and I could only meet him on Saturdays.
It slowly becomes an argument every time he asked his friends to "play ball?" every week. Did my good intention turned out to be something that was taken granted? I don't know. I will never have the chance to know or go through it again.
It's been almost 3 months since we broke up. I could deal with it for the first month because I started doing things that was alluring to me when I was attached. I had the feeling that "I can finally go club and drinking. I am going to get drunk and fuck everything" which I have to thank my friend for bringing me there to keep myself occupied and doing the things I wanted since I am single. Single or attached, it is just a status. Believe it or not, my heart is still with A every single day. Things started to get a little better because J came along and accompanied me for a few weeks. He took over the "I need to text someone" role and I felt okay because I had someone to talk to. It all turned bad when I came back from Bangkok trip, the moment I arrived at the arrival hall, I felt so different. I was looking for A, I want to see him so badly because I missed him so much. For the past few trips, A always manage to fetch me but this time round he is not there. I still remembered last year when I went for my China trip for a month and came back, A was angry with me because I didn't gave him a hug in front of my family. He pouted and I'll never forget this moment. A looked very cute and charming and I would give him a 120% for that look. A is used to me travelling and we even planned a trip to Bangkok in March 2014 after his ORD. I want to bring him to my "hometown".
Till the day which I had been waiting, I knew he had a girlfriend.. He always does this to me after every break up and I am still not immune to it. I feel absolutely down because now he is saying "I love you" to another girl. Unable to put down my own ego, I never want him to move on before I move on. I have the revengeful feeling that I will live better without him.
Then I finally realized how much good time we had spent together. I really missed him so much at times I don't even cry. I only cried once throughout this period which was the day I met him and returned his belongings. I was disappointed that he did not even apologize or try asking me not to leave him. If he said it, he knew I will give us another chance. I re-read our texts, our funny conversation, instagram's pictures and comments and I saw how he used to propose to me through the good night message I requested. He always have spelling mistakes in his text which makes him even cuter. I was regarded as his wife and our endless conversation when it comes to our future. A's gonna make me the most happiest bride in the world. I believe he could do it, I believe he will give me no matter what I want. Now it seemed like it was just words.. Would you divorce your wife just because you had communications breakdown? He don't even try, he just let me go. I was really disappointed and heart broken. I never wanted to leave him. I missed Sunday's home cook breakfast by him, our car rides together and even missed your voice.
All these are getting better although sometimes I still think of him. Life still goes on whether good or bad. I try to control my emotions and do things to distract myself. He have moved on and found someone even better than me and I'm really happy for him. He will always be the best boyfriend I had and I am not going to forget the memories we had. I really wish you all the best in life.
While I am still enjoying the time and freedom I have, a 50-50 good bad news came along. I am starting my Uni in Jan 2014!!!! I never feel so stress and excited at the same time for school.
Hwaiting for a new year/ new beginning/ a new life.
It relates to me really a lot... Go read it first!
Emotions were on a roller coaster ride and I had a hard time dealing with it.
This is the first time ever I initiate the breakup to A. After 6 years of relationship, all that we had been through, I wanted/needed the break. Friends around me tell me not to worry, he would be back in no time just because this was how our relationship was in the beginning. We will get back together after every "break up". This time I felt the difference. I remember when he just entered NS, I sent him a long text that says something like this, "Baby, now that you're in army, more mature already right? I hope that no matter what both of us cannot say the word break easily already. We're no longer young and this is the last chance I will give it to you, to our relationship." I am serious and I am going to keep to my words. I'm really tired of all the arguments we had daily. It's mostly because of me being unreasonable and not understanding, and A being real busy when he just transfer out to a new station that need him to work even on weekends. I felt the distance between us, but I was wrong. Being a girl needs to be assure regularly but knowing how inexpressive A is, I feel that he no longer loved me that much. All of these were just my thoughts. But I could argue with him, hurting and questioning him again and again on how much love have he had for me. I was too dramatic.
Hang out with my best friend from poly and he told me something that I did not realize.
"Army's time is not decided by him, he have no say in whatever he's going to do. Sir say what, he do what. Even go toilet also need ask permission. You think he got the time to accompany you during his duties?"
Which is very true, and I hated myself for that ugly side of me. I have always been comprising when it comes to him doing his own things while I watch my dramas or play games. I think that both of us need that space and freedom after such a long week and shouldn't stick together like how we used to. Over time, this had been taken for granted. He loves to play basketball which I always allow him to because when he tells me about his army problems, I don't understand as I am never in army before. I thought it might be good for him to hang out with the dudes to talk it out. Enjoy something that he love to do every weekend, I never stop him once. But it becomes a habit that I always allow him to go for basketball nights, sometimes I really want him to accompany me because I really miss him throughout the week and I could only meet him on Saturdays.
It slowly becomes an argument every time he asked his friends to "play ball?" every week. Did my good intention turned out to be something that was taken granted? I don't know. I will never have the chance to know or go through it again.
It's been almost 3 months since we broke up. I could deal with it for the first month because I started doing things that was alluring to me when I was attached. I had the feeling that "I can finally go club and drinking. I am going to get drunk and fuck everything" which I have to thank my friend for bringing me there to keep myself occupied and doing the things I wanted since I am single. Single or attached, it is just a status. Believe it or not, my heart is still with A every single day. Things started to get a little better because J came along and accompanied me for a few weeks. He took over the "I need to text someone" role and I felt okay because I had someone to talk to. It all turned bad when I came back from Bangkok trip, the moment I arrived at the arrival hall, I felt so different. I was looking for A, I want to see him so badly because I missed him so much. For the past few trips, A always manage to fetch me but this time round he is not there. I still remembered last year when I went for my China trip for a month and came back, A was angry with me because I didn't gave him a hug in front of my family. He pouted and I'll never forget this moment. A looked very cute and charming and I would give him a 120% for that look. A is used to me travelling and we even planned a trip to Bangkok in March 2014 after his ORD. I want to bring him to my "hometown".
Till the day which I had been waiting, I knew he had a girlfriend.. He always does this to me after every break up and I am still not immune to it. I feel absolutely down because now he is saying "I love you" to another girl. Unable to put down my own ego, I never want him to move on before I move on. I have the revengeful feeling that I will live better without him.
Then I finally realized how much good time we had spent together. I really missed him so much at times I don't even cry. I only cried once throughout this period which was the day I met him and returned his belongings. I was disappointed that he did not even apologize or try asking me not to leave him. If he said it, he knew I will give us another chance. I re-read our texts, our funny conversation, instagram's pictures and comments and I saw how he used to propose to me through the good night message I requested. He always have spelling mistakes in his text which makes him even cuter. I was regarded as his wife and our endless conversation when it comes to our future. A's gonna make me the most happiest bride in the world. I believe he could do it, I believe he will give me no matter what I want. Now it seemed like it was just words.. Would you divorce your wife just because you had communications breakdown? He don't even try, he just let me go. I was really disappointed and heart broken. I never wanted to leave him. I missed Sunday's home cook breakfast by him, our car rides together and even missed your voice.
All these are getting better although sometimes I still think of him. Life still goes on whether good or bad. I try to control my emotions and do things to distract myself. He have moved on and found someone even better than me and I'm really happy for him. He will always be the best boyfriend I had and I am not going to forget the memories we had. I really wish you all the best in life.
While I am still enjoying the time and freedom I have, a 50-50 good bad news came along. I am starting my Uni in Jan 2014!!!! I never feel so stress and excited at the same time for school.
Hwaiting for a new year/ new beginning/ a new life.
Sunday, September 29
So far, So Bad
Been trying to suppress the urge to give you a text, wanting to know so much of what you're doing right now.
Have you eaten? Are you tired? Did you have fun at your bball game? Are you missing me? How much did you miss me?
It's quite a hard time for me to deal with all these emotions rn, not to mention my parents aren't in good health recently. We are busy growing up and didn't realize how much they've grown.
Mum's been checking on me (regards to the breaking up symptom) Guess she might have noticed the tears I secretly shed in my room. Sigh..
Sometimes I just find myself literally stoning, not doing anything or thinking anything.
Why did you leave me when you're my world?
I still miss you x
Have you eaten? Are you tired? Did you have fun at your bball game? Are you missing me? How much did you miss me?
It's quite a hard time for me to deal with all these emotions rn, not to mention my parents aren't in good health recently. We are busy growing up and didn't realize how much they've grown.
Mum's been checking on me (regards to the breaking up symptom) Guess she might have noticed the tears I secretly shed in my room. Sigh..
Sometimes I just find myself literally stoning, not doing anything or thinking anything.
Why did you leave me when you're my world?
I still miss you x
Sunday, September 22
Monday, September 16
Shattered
Today was the first time in our 6 years relationship that I asked for a break up.
Maybe it was me and my feelings got unconcerned.
Maybe it was me sick and tired of a quarreling relationship.
Maybe it was me and my emotions ride.
Maybe it was me that wasn't understanding enough.
After so long, I didn't thought that I would mention the word break because I told myself we came so far and I need to be tolerable and accountable for my feelings and action. Whatever I say, whatever I do it would affect the both of us.
Maybe what I just wanted after I pushed you away was another tight hug given back to me.
You said you think it through, you said the same thing will happen again, you said I was never the same old me again.
My heart's shattered, my souls broken.
It's time for you to go.
No matter how much I want you back, you're never returning.
Never giving me back the same love you did.
Everything has changed.
"Change is the only constant"
You don't even tell me where you go,
probably you think it's because the phone has no battery, you will be fine.
To me, telling me where you are can make me at ease. At least I know where you are.
Now, I don't even get the chance to ask.
I just need more love and concern.
Sunday, April 14
Thank you for changing yourself for me.
Writing this post which serves the purpose to my one and only royal reader.
Today I'm gonna express my gratitude to you.
Dear Alvin,
My love for the past 6 years, I'm never the one that does these usually but today's the exception. I feel that I have never given you enough after what you have done for me in the recent years. I am never always the weak one in the relationship, I need to be the winning party during arguments, I'm never the one that said sorry even if I'm at fault. Thank you for being the understanding one. I have insecurities but you're always the one that assured me. I'm sorry for being insensitive to you when I decided to go Taiwan with both my friends. If it was me in my shoes, I wouldn't able to take it. You knew me. You know I don't listen anymore once I had decided. If it was the old you, the consequences.. I wouldn't even have to imagine. Thank you for changing yourself for me. Changing your mindset along with mine. Thank you for including me in your future. Thank you for all the life lessons along the way. Thank you for being there for me. Not knowing how to express love into words when I'm with you. It must be the comfortableness I get when I'm with you. I'm myself when I'm with you. My best friend, my brother, my lover. I promise not to give you any disappointments anymore..
和你在一起也快6年了，只能说时间不饶人。
年纪轻轻的我们，从不懂爱情是什么，到现在，谈的是以后的我们，你要给我的幸福美满的家庭，给我舒适的生活。我们的孩子会是什么样子，你要煮好吃的给我，你要开车带我到处玩，我们的结婚典礼。。我们要到那里渡蜜月。。
我们共同的美好回忆，我会一一收藏。
我爱你。。。。
Today I'm gonna express my gratitude to you.
Dear Alvin,
My love for the past 6 years, I'm never the one that does these usually but today's the exception. I feel that I have never given you enough after what you have done for me in the recent years. I am never always the weak one in the relationship, I need to be the winning party during arguments, I'm never the one that said sorry even if I'm at fault. Thank you for being the understanding one. I have insecurities but you're always the one that assured me. I'm sorry for being insensitive to you when I decided to go Taiwan with both my friends. If it was me in my shoes, I wouldn't able to take it. You knew me. You know I don't listen anymore once I had decided. If it was the old you, the consequences.. I wouldn't even have to imagine. Thank you for changing yourself for me. Changing your mindset along with mine. Thank you for including me in your future. Thank you for all the life lessons along the way. Thank you for being there for me. Not knowing how to express love into words when I'm with you. It must be the comfortableness I get when I'm with you. I'm myself when I'm with you. My best friend, my brother, my lover. I promise not to give you any disappointments anymore..
和你在一起也快6年了，只能说时间不饶人。
年纪轻轻的我们，从不懂爱情是什么，到现在，谈的是以后的我们，你要给我的幸福美满的家庭，给我舒适的生活。我们的孩子会是什么样子，你要煮好吃的给我，你要开车带我到处玩，我们的结婚典礼。。我们要到那里渡蜜月。。
我们共同的美好回忆，我会一一收藏。
我爱你。。。。
Saturday, April 13
Disconnecting......
Continuing from the previous post, or if you just happened to read my twitter.
I had already started work a month back! Decision was made just when I was about to sign up for uni course.
As for what I'm working as, it's complicating to explain here but my designation says that I'm an "Operations Officer" it's just about admin stuff, approving, follow-ups. Routine job but there's so much responsibility. Being an adult isn't as easy as what we think. Every step that I made in work, I need to be responsible. A little mistake you made would actually cost the company to lose tens, hundreds, thousands. Not just that, being in an environment which you have to be caution when you speak (i'm really bad in handling this), being able to be in good terms with other organizations, able to socialize, think ahead, witty, street smart. Everything has to be used sparingly. Just like a remedy, each and every person has a customize set. It's just hard to find out to use how much dosage for one.
After so much that I had elaborate, it's just me not being able to handle being adult. I just don't want to grow up so soon. I may lose my friends, I don't even have time for them anymore. I don't know what can I talked to them. It's always 9-6 from mon-fri and I can't even go out during weekdays just because I need to wake up early the following day. I may bored people sooner or later because everything in my mind is about work. People may not understand me or vice versa. You get disconnected with the world. Now I would have to choose to watch the news instead of my doreamon because I need to be able to catch up with the what's going on around the world, I need to be on my toes. I am expected to know a lot. It's just so tiring being who we are suppose to be.. Thinking that things isn't going my way. Isn't at my age, I should be around with my friends still hanging out at Starbucks studying hard for my exams? Should I fantasize over my favorite running man? Shouldn't I have dreams? Dream of travelling around the world, being carefree and stress free.
Trade and Take.
Trade your time and take the money.
Wednesday, February 20
SO HOW? Studies/Work?!
First of all, I would like to announce the unofficially GRADUATED news!
Graduation is on 28 May! I can't wait to attend the ceremony!
3 years of all IT-related stuff, I guessed I'm done with that.
No more programming for me!! *flips hair*
Right now, I guess someone out there is having the same problem as me..
Deciding between Uni or start working, I guess I might need listeners.
It never occurred to me that this time would come to me so soon, right after the last day of graduation. It's probably the kind of stress that I always like to give to myself. For moment like this, I wished that my life was planned. I wished that my life was planned for me by my parents. I go to ballet, piano classes when I'm young, I studied science because my parents like it, I read story books and I go to bed early because I'm a good kid like that. But then again, who would resign to fate that is plan for them? It is why that we humans are never ever going to learn to be self contented? We never once thanked anyone for giving us the chance for the education that we received, we never reflect of ourselves for being selfish, we never said thank you to the aunty that helped us clear our plates after our meal, we never said thank you to someone that was holding the lift for us when we rushed into it. It's because we never learn. Life lessons doesn't come free or in school. Nobody would teach you the way how life should, it's so unpredictable and fragile. Everyday is just like a written story, you can't change it but you could only re-read the stories written. Confusing, yet at a point of time, it remind ourselves of what we have done, regardless right or wrong.
It's very frustrating to go to the coffee shop downstairs, meeting your neighbors in the lift, primary school friend's competitive parents, I don't know how most of them managed to know that it's the graduating period (probably KPO instincts) the first question that pop out of their mind was "Ah girl ah, still studying or working?", "Don't want study uni ah?", "Working ah, good good. Work as what ah? Earning how much?"
All these conversations are never ending.
I've been going through interviews (on phone) for days and I realize most of the jobs don't hire fresh grads. It's either they hire, with $1400-$1500 (bullshit pay) or they're places that are super far away from my home and still give minimal pay. Going back to the jobs that I've been looking for, I'm keen to work in the accounts / logistics/ banking dept. Kept me thinking for a good long time, is the 3 years spent taking an irrelevant diploma worth my time? Now that I have a dip cert, I can't even put it into good use. It's just like spending 3 years marking another "O" level similar milestone, telling you and your family that oh yeah I've got that piece of paper. So am I just going to spend another 3 years again for the uni cert which I never looked forward in using the cert as a part of job application? It's really confusing and thank god I have people around me giving me suggestions everyday. (except for the annoying agency that kept calling me up and offering all kind of jobs offer that has super low pay like $1200???)
I seen so many job ads for the past few days and still thinking of what job line that I should be in. Chinese have a saying "女人怕嫁错郎，男人怕进错行" Woman are afraid to marry the wrong guy, Man are afraid to be in the wrong career. Now i belong to the man. Haha! I think it's also a ME-thang that I have no will to reject people. Even though I am so reluctant, I would still say okay and I think it's a way of being professional. That trains me to be a tolerant person. (after I would release all in twitter, LOL)
Thank god uni application is far away from now, I seriously have no idea what to do but I don't wish to idle my time away. From what I had observed, it takes 3-5 years of experience in an organization to be promoted, so it is a good investment to use this 3 years to study in Uni (but what course again) and pay the bank loan debts aftermath or I just start work like this?
I think during job application is also another time for you to know more about yourself. I've been thinking which career I would probably succeed in and I have none. Blaming Gemini, I'm so fickle minded that I can change my mind in 30 seconds. I thought I was good in people relationships but then again, how do I take it when people don't go my way? How am I supposed to react when colleagues started out betraying and backstabbing? Can I still keep my cool? I'm good in design but then again how much new fresh ideas I can produce in a few days? What if my ideas ran out and I never suit the job again? I hate to repeat myself but in an office environment, how many times do I have to repeat myself for every single event? So, how much do I really know myself? I d.o.n.t.k.n.o.w
I think it's okay that if you don't understand my situation here but this day will come to you very soon.
It's the first time I feel scary for making a decision for myself. I'm afraid that if this is made, I am accountable for my life. I cannot blame anyone but myself. I cannot make up to myself for the time lost.
It's my life, my decision. But am I doing the right thing?
Till then, (I hope I had made up my mind!)
Cheers
Sunday, January 20
Me-thang
Wanting to do a blog post since 2pm and... yup. It's 10pm right now.
Can you imagine how I laze my time?
I have a problem to work between my planned schedule and this is really a bad bad point.
I'm also supposed to do parts of my project but it all seemed... an impossible task.
This never ever happened to me when I'm doing things that I like..
In sec sch, I never dread to do POA homework and I even do the work beforehand.
I did my homework properly and make sure there's minimal mistakes.
I can remember my work was always used as a copy for Miss Lee to show to the class.
That was a 100% commitment that I made.
I had that inside me, I know I have.
But right now, I just can't find it.
Words can't describe how much I loathe the things that I'm doing now.
There's no logic to the things I'm doing..
Wtf is API, database, Ajax, Javascript, C#.. Seriously, I really really don't understand at all.
I don't think that I'm going used them in my life anyway.
Except the fact that I'm going to be a programmer, but I won't be one as long as I'm breathing!!
Life sucks.
Anyway, this leads to the topic that I've been thinking to blog for the whole day.
Which is... BOY-FRIENDS. Read on:
I like to be around boys and most of my good friends are boys.
I know my boyfriend doesn't like it (like whose bf likes it!!! and I also forbids him to have one good girl-friend) I think this type of feelings is mutual one lah. I'm just saying my preferences between girl-friends and boy-friends!! Anw, being in a boys clique makes things so easy..
1. Guys are generally less dramatic.. You don't have to pretend when you're around with them.
Situation: You're really hungry
With boys: Order as much food as you can because you know even though you can't finish it, their endless stomach hole will have space for food. They might laugh at you for being a pig for eating so much and that's it. THE END. They laughed and they stopped.
With girls: You can't order so much food because all your girls are like size 0. If you start to order more than a plate of food, you look like friends that just came out of hell's gate. Like you never eat before. You're gonna gobble up your food and make yourself look like Fat Amy. Then you feel bad for eating so much because all of them eat like an ant. Then you're afraid that they will remember you're a big eater and your reputation is ruined even you met them 10 years later for gathering.
2. Guys are good listener. And they tend to forget everything you have said.
I admit that not all guys give good comments but they are good listener. And they don't gossip!!
Plus point: they usually forgets what you tell them so it's good so you won't have to worry other ppl might know about it!
3. Guys are gamers...
In the way that when you joke about him, he laugh it off.
Then he find ways to attack you back in the jokingly mood.
Unlike girls... You have to think about their feelings and will they really get angry when you joke about them! They will remember it forever.....
Say so much about guys.. WHY?
Because I never met such dicks before in my life that I'm so upset, frustrated and.. ANGRY!
Dicks of the century.
Both are equally stubborn, ungentlemanly, must-win-mentality, bossy, annoying, irritating, selfish!!!
Still very angry!!!
Can you imagine how I laze my time?
I have a problem to work between my planned schedule and this is really a bad bad point.
I'm also supposed to do parts of my project but it all seemed... an impossible task.
This never ever happened to me when I'm doing things that I like..
In sec sch, I never dread to do POA homework and I even do the work beforehand.
I did my homework properly and make sure there's minimal mistakes.
I can remember my work was always used as a copy for Miss Lee to show to the class.
That was a 100% commitment that I made.
I had that inside me, I know I have.
But right now, I just can't find it.
Words can't describe how much I loathe the things that I'm doing now.
There's no logic to the things I'm doing..
Wtf is API, database, Ajax, Javascript, C#.. Seriously, I really really don't understand at all.
I don't think that I'm going used them in my life anyway.
Except the fact that I'm going to be a programmer, but I won't be one as long as I'm breathing!!
Life sucks.
Anyway, this leads to the topic that I've been thinking to blog for the whole day.
Which is... BOY-FRIENDS. Read on:
I like to be around boys and most of my good friends are boys.
I know my boyfriend doesn't like it (like whose bf likes it!!! and I also forbids him to have one good girl-friend) I think this type of feelings is mutual one lah. I'm just saying my preferences between girl-friends and boy-friends!! Anw, being in a boys clique makes things so easy..
1. Guys are generally less dramatic.. You don't have to pretend when you're around with them.
Situation: You're really hungry
With boys: Order as much food as you can because you know even though you can't finish it, their endless stomach hole will have space for food. They might laugh at you for being a pig for eating so much and that's it. THE END. They laughed and they stopped.
With girls: You can't order so much food because all your girls are like size 0. If you start to order more than a plate of food, you look like friends that just came out of hell's gate. Like you never eat before. You're gonna gobble up your food and make yourself look like Fat Amy. Then you feel bad for eating so much because all of them eat like an ant. Then you're afraid that they will remember you're a big eater and your reputation is ruined even you met them 10 years later for gathering.
2. Guys are good listener. And they tend to forget everything you have said.
I admit that not all guys give good comments but they are good listener. And they don't gossip!!
Plus point: they usually forgets what you tell them so it's good so you won't have to worry other ppl might know about it!
3. Guys are gamers...
In the way that when you joke about him, he laugh it off.
Then he find ways to attack you back in the jokingly mood.
Unlike girls... You have to think about their feelings and will they really get angry when you joke about them! They will remember it forever.....
Say so much about guys.. WHY?
Because I never met such dicks before in my life that I'm so upset, frustrated and.. ANGRY!
Dicks of the century.
Both are equally stubborn, ungentlemanly, must-win-mentality, bossy, annoying, irritating, selfish!!!
Still very angry!!!
Monday, January 7
Love and Marriage Explained
Love and Marriage Explained
A student asks a teacher, "What is love? "The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick." The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may
be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with an empty hand. The teacher told him, "this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person." "What is marriage then?" the student asked. The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick." The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher. The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."
Simple to understand x
A student asks a teacher, "What is love? "The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick." The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may
be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with an empty hand. The teacher told him, "this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person." "What is marriage then?" the student asked. The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick." The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher. The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."
Simple to understand x
Saturday, December 8
December 2012
I'm leaving Singapore on Monday for my 1 month stay in China, Suzhou.
Feeling pretty much excited but at the same time I have so much worries :(
This isn't my first time going China but I guess it won't be the same like before.
For those who doesn't know why I am going,
I am going there for my Final Year Project - FYP. It is also my last lap/sem in my poly. (Total of 12 weeks for FYP and currently it's 10 more weeks to graduation!!! *I can't wait*)
I'm staying over at a centre/hostel for the whole period and it's my 4 weeks programme below!!
A LOT OF SHOPPING TIME RIGHT!!!! I can't wait! The last time i went, there were super much things to buy! It's like mega x infinity shopping places just like Bangkok!
I think if the places are more clean and people are more friendly, I guess the place would prosper just like Thailand..
This time round, I will be going with 10 students from NYP/SIT and Mr Pang will be taking care of us for 2 weeks then Mr Ng! I am spending my Christmas and New Year over there! I seriously can't wait!!!! ^^
During trip briefing, I remembered that a lecturer asked us what do we really want to achieve when we sign up for this project trip.. I gave it a thought and I think my best answer was, "I want to try to live alone." It's not because that I hate my family or I am having problems.. Just that I am having the thought of studying abroad after graduation but it may most probably delayed for 2-3 years. This is the best time for me to learn to be independent as well as adapting to different lifestyle..
My worries for the trips are -
1) Not remembering that I am there for project.. LOL I think most of the time I will feel that I'm travelling but not on a project trip!
2) Not enough cash :( For a shopaholic me, I don't think the amount of cash I brought can fulfill my shopping bar.
3) Not knowing who to turn to when I have difficulties for my project. Although this happens ALL THE TIME, but now I am in China, I really have no more friends to ask for help :(:(:(
4) Cold to death. I googled and it seem to be under 0 degree right now!!! I think I'll become a fat snowball there :( and I'm so weak, I guess I will not be adapt to the weather and fall sick easily. Sighs.
But no matter how worried I am, I think I should really take one step at a time la! Hehehe.
I can't wait to see myself dress like these:
Fluffy boots!!!!!! Omg!! Really is
Never get a chance to wear boots in SG but I think I'm gonna love there like crazy! And also taobao madness!!!
Till then!
Feeling pretty much excited but at the same time I have so much worries :(
This isn't my first time going China but I guess it won't be the same like before.
For those who doesn't know why I am going,
I am going there for my Final Year Project - FYP. It is also my last lap/sem in my poly. (Total of 12 weeks for FYP and currently it's 10 more weeks to graduation!!! *I can't wait*)
I'm staying over at a centre/hostel for the whole period and it's my 4 weeks programme below!!
A LOT OF SHOPPING TIME RIGHT!!!! I can't wait! The last time i went, there were super much things to buy! It's like mega x infinity shopping places just like Bangkok!
I think if the places are more clean and people are more friendly, I guess the place would prosper just like Thailand..
This time round, I will be going with 10 students from NYP/SIT and Mr Pang will be taking care of us for 2 weeks then Mr Ng! I am spending my Christmas and New Year over there! I seriously can't wait!!!! ^^
During trip briefing, I remembered that a lecturer asked us what do we really want to achieve when we sign up for this project trip.. I gave it a thought and I think my best answer was, "I want to try to live alone." It's not because that I hate my family or I am having problems.. Just that I am having the thought of studying abroad after graduation but it may most probably delayed for 2-3 years. This is the best time for me to learn to be independent as well as adapting to different lifestyle..
My worries for the trips are -
1) Not remembering that I am there for project.. LOL I think most of the time I will feel that I'm travelling but not on a project trip!
2) Not enough cash :( For a shopaholic me, I don't think the amount of cash I brought can fulfill my shopping bar.
3) Not knowing who to turn to when I have difficulties for my project. Although this happens ALL THE TIME, but now I am in China, I really have no more friends to ask for help :(:(:(
4) Cold to death. I googled and it seem to be under 0 degree right now!!! I think I'll become a fat snowball there :( and I'm so weak, I guess I will not be adapt to the weather and fall sick easily. Sighs.
But no matter how worried I am, I think I should really take one step at a time la! Hehehe.
I can't wait to see myself dress like these:
Fluffy boots!!!!!! Omg!! Really is
Never get a chance to wear boots in SG but I think I'm gonna love there like crazy! And also taobao madness!!!
Till then!
Friday, November 2
Army boyfriend
Many of my friends or people around me are going through or will be going through the stage where their boyfriend(s) have to be enlist in Army for a good 2 years.
I'm here to describe how it feels and how to prepare for it!!!!
And also part of my experience being a army-boy-girlfriend.
If you're sticky girlfriend like me, used to go anywhere together, eat together, work together, shit together before Army then probably you might have to take a little longer time to adapt to the "weekdays single hood".
Firstly, your boyfriend IS not going to leave you so do not hate the army or curse and swear on your twitter that he is not coming back to you. Please lah, the most only 2 weeks for SAF and for lucky me, Alvin booked out on Friday when he's enlisted on Tuesday!
What you should do during this 2 weeks: meet up with the girlfriends that you always want to meet, take a break for yourself (for me i went Thailand straight on the next day after the enlistment), do whatever you like. Treat it as a good 2 weeks holiday and start pampering yourself! Catch up on all the running man episodes, do mani/pedi, read blogs, blog, tumblr. Anything that can help you ease the missing-boyfriend-feeling, DO IT. It will help you not to be moody or miss your boyfriend a lot.
Secondly, do not expect calls or texts everyday. I know girls always like waiting for their boyfriend to give them a call after a long day of training and talk to you on phone BUT everyday is not Friday so don't expect that from the boys. I used to be very grumpy and hated Alvin for not replying me texts or not wanting to talk to me on the phone but after some of my friends told me it's normal then i started not to let it bother me. Sometimes you have so much to tell him but he would just say "I'm very tired, can I go sleep already?" without hearing the full story... Which makes me upset and disappointed because I waited one whole freaking day for this 10 minutes of your time you still don't want listen?!! You will not feel love from boyfriend on weekdays...
But, XI GUAN JIU HAO!!! lol.
Guys' view: I AM REALLY TIRED LAAAAAH.
Just bombard him on weekends then!
Thirdly, the boys will be more excited and afraid of Army life so do not keep mentioning of how many days left to enlistment, GHOSTS, or any other thing that scare them. They're human too right? hahaha. Be a supportive girlfriend, instead of doing the bo liao stuff, help him prepare for army. Buy him necessities, help him packed, make him feel prepared for the rough days ahead.
Fourthly, guys probably feel or heard from his friends that their girlfriends would run away during their army life. Be sure to assure him. And at the same time, you need to give him time to rest. Plan surprises, cook a simple meal for him. Having a dota/basketball freak boyfriend, I had only spend either a Sat/Sun with Alvin for the first few months. He needs to release the stress too. But I think it's okay for me! This is just a part and parcel of growing up. And guys, if she leaves, she isn't the one anymore.
Fifthly, prepared for your boy to become a MAN! Rumors said that the guys tend to mature during army and I can say that it really teaches Alvin and I some life lessons. It's not only him that grow, I did grow and learn too. I learn to be more independent despite being a sticky girlfriend, I still remembered I traveled alone to MBS for work, which I dint did before but now it was so normal for me. Guys tend to feel more sensitive during this period so make sure we girls do our part on proper communications!!
I'll end my five points on army but I have much more to share! SO stay with me if you would like to know more :')
You girls will be. x
I'm here to describe how it feels and how to prepare for it!!!!
And also part of my experience being a army-boy-girlfriend.
If you're sticky girlfriend like me, used to go anywhere together, eat together, work together, shit together before Army then probably you might have to take a little longer time to adapt to the "weekdays single hood".
Firstly, your boyfriend IS not going to leave you so do not hate the army or curse and swear on your twitter that he is not coming back to you. Please lah, the most only 2 weeks for SAF and for lucky me, Alvin booked out on Friday when he's enlisted on Tuesday!
What you should do during this 2 weeks: meet up with the girlfriends that you always want to meet, take a break for yourself (for me i went Thailand straight on the next day after the enlistment), do whatever you like. Treat it as a good 2 weeks holiday and start pampering yourself! Catch up on all the running man episodes, do mani/pedi, read blogs, blog, tumblr. Anything that can help you ease the missing-boyfriend-feeling, DO IT. It will help you not to be moody or miss your boyfriend a lot.
Secondly, do not expect calls or texts everyday. I know girls always like waiting for their boyfriend to give them a call after a long day of training and talk to you on phone BUT everyday is not Friday so don't expect that from the boys. I used to be very grumpy and hated Alvin for not replying me texts or not wanting to talk to me on the phone but after some of my friends told me it's normal then i started not to let it bother me. Sometimes you have so much to tell him but he would just say "I'm very tired, can I go sleep already?" without hearing the full story... Which makes me upset and disappointed because I waited one whole freaking day for this 10 minutes of your time you still don't want listen?!! You will not feel love from boyfriend on weekdays...
But, XI GUAN JIU HAO!!! lol.
Guys' view: I AM REALLY TIRED LAAAAAH.
Just bombard him on weekends then!
Thirdly, the boys will be more excited and afraid of Army life so do not keep mentioning of how many days left to enlistment, GHOSTS, or any other thing that scare them. They're human too right? hahaha. Be a supportive girlfriend, instead of doing the bo liao stuff, help him prepare for army. Buy him necessities, help him packed, make him feel prepared for the rough days ahead.
Fourthly, guys probably feel or heard from his friends that their girlfriends would run away during their army life. Be sure to assure him. And at the same time, you need to give him time to rest. Plan surprises, cook a simple meal for him. Having a dota/basketball freak boyfriend, I had only spend either a Sat/Sun with Alvin for the first few months. He needs to release the stress too. But I think it's okay for me! This is just a part and parcel of growing up. And guys, if she leaves, she isn't the one anymore.
Fifthly, prepared for your boy to become a MAN! Rumors said that the guys tend to mature during army and I can say that it really teaches Alvin and I some life lessons. It's not only him that grow, I did grow and learn too. I learn to be more independent despite being a sticky girlfriend, I still remembered I traveled alone to MBS for work, which I dint did before but now it was so normal for me. Guys tend to feel more sensitive during this period so make sure we girls do our part on proper communications!!
I'll end my five points on army but I have much more to share! SO stay with me if you would like to know more :')
You girls will be. x
Sunday, October 14
Saturday, September 22
Girls
Girls.
One of the hardest subject on the universe to understand.
WHY? There's no reason to it.
We are just like this when we feel like we want to become like this.
I'm gonna try to explain some pains and frustration of being a girl.
- You get unknown pre/post PMS periods (which happens a week before, during menses or after menses. The period will vary itself) which you have aches all over your body, a bloated stomach and so much food cravings. On top of that, a chameleon mood to go along with what you're experiencing. One moment you are laughing to the T.V show along with your ice cream, the moment you're pissed off just because someone reply your text 5 minutes late. (which usually you don't bother and this feelings magnify during the PMS period) Guys usually don't understand how this PMS period works, but to put it into simpler words: JUST GIVE IN AND DO EVERYTHING SHE ASKS YOU TO DO! I think it's a good training for you when your future wife is having a baby. It's the same!!!
- The menses. No elaboration needed but just a sentence. Blood flowing out of the v. as and when they like and how would you react to that if your dick was the one having menses?
- The food and the fats. Yummy food are so hard to resist but in order to be able to fit into pretty clothes, girls have to diet and eat the disgusting food like (a piece of bread for lunch or just this meal for that day?!?!, yogurts(i fucking hate disgusting white yogurt!), all sorts of greens without sauces because sauce make you fat) The exercising part!!!!!!! This is hell for me and the girls who doesn't like to exercise. Exercising is healthy yes I agree but the training to make yourself put on the running shoes it's so hard! Just had the 100 reasons to reject exercising and dieting. All because of the desired weight that you wished you had. I hate dieting and this point doesn't apply to me at all! *happy*
I experienced the extreme of all the frustration yesterday and I just hate myself for being like this.
Sometimes when boyfriend is having his bad day, while I have this pre/post thing, we would definitely quarrel like mad. Non-stop quarreling.
I think I'm a difficult person and my boyfriend needs to be 'vigilant' in noticing the change in my behavior. Yes i used the word 'vigilant' because I needed that word.
To add on to the pre/post thing, I'm a Gemini and AB blood type so there's like 4 characters in me which is hard to notice which one is showing. It's really hard to control the emotions when the week is here which I'm still trying to suppress it. Sigh.
Anyway! Here's some tips that I found on the net for the girls who needs some help with menstruation pain:
Why are some cramps so painful?
Menstrual cramps are caused by the uterine contractions that occur in response to prostaglandins and other chemicals. The cramping sensation is intensified when clots or pieces of bloody tissue from the lining of the uterus pass through the cervix, especially if a woman's cervical canal is narrow.
The difference between menstrual cramps that are more painful and those that are less painful may be related to a woman's prostaglandin levels. Women with menstrual cramps have elevated levels of prostaglandins in the endometrium (uterine lining) when compared with women who do not experience cramps. Menstrual cramps are very similar to those a pregnant woman experiences when she is given prostaglandin as a medication to induce labor.
Foods That Ease Menstrual Cramps
Think whole foods when you are trying to ease those menstrual cramps, like whole grain, fresh fruit and vegetables, and with in this category go for the whole foods that are rich in calcium and magnesium. Broccoli and kale are great as well as whole wheat pastas and breads, brown rice. Also when you eat your whole veggies and fruits leave the skins on, the majority of nutrients lie in the skin as well as helping your body absorb the vitamins they contain.
Take the orange for example, it is widely known for its healthy dose of vitamin C although in order for your body to absorb the vitamin c it is necessary to leave the pith on the orange, that bitter white stuff we pick off. The pith contains ascorbic acid that enable the vitamin c to nourish your body, if you take an oral vitamin C pill take a glance at the ingredients, you will see some type of ascorbic acid there and this is why.
Chocolate And Your Period
I wanted to dedicate a section to talk about chocolate because during a woman's period it is her only confidant and does have some good health benefits. Is is also considered an anti oxidant that can help your mood as well as fight the sugar cravings. Though it is only the dark chocolate that contains these health benefits and 1 to 2 ounces a day is suggested, so put down the sugar glazed doughnut because the chocolate that covers this does not count. I always carry a couple of dark chocolate mini bars with me especially when I am going out to eat to avoid over indulgence. I will eat half of the portion and then eat an ounce of dark chocolate this will send a blocker to my brain that tells my stomach that I have had enough.
Fish
Fish that contain Omega 3 fatty acids not only help a woman's heart health it also contains an anti-inflammatory effect that can help with cramps as well as bloating. Salmon being the most known source that contains this mighty anti oxidant but tuna, Pacific herring, and mackerel also pack a good punch as well.
I just popped the menses panadol whenever I feel pain and luckily it works for me!
Till then!
Saturday, July 7
Tuesday, May 29
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